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Baby Step 1

I started my first baby step almost a month ago.

I gave up pop tarts for breakfast. Trust me this was a bit of a sacrifice. Pop tarts are inexpensive, taste good hot or cold, and are a grab it to go quick meal option since I am constantly running late for work in the morning.

Instead I have been buying high fiber oatmeal from Quaker's. Maple and brown sugar I believe [I've never been really into fruit flavored oatmeal or pop tarts for that matter.]  I tried using a regular bowl for my breakfast but unless you soak the shit out of you bowl as soon as your done eating, which is hard to do cause I eat at my desk and the nearest sink is a goodly distance off, this stuff turns into the equivalent of dried cement! I kid you not I scraped my knuckles on this crap. So I said 'screw you environment' and got some paper bowls. At least they're waxed covered paper and not that crappy plastic foam stuff. I couldn't use that even if I wanted to, when heated in a microwave liquids eat right through that stuff.

I am not a huge fan of oatmeal but it's good for you and if I don't put in too much or too little water it doesn't taste too horrible. Thank god for flavored creamers! A little white chocolate mocha flavor can really save an otherwise botched breakfast. Who knew making instant oatmeal was so difficult. I prefer dryish lumps to soggy mess anyday...it tends to look like something out of that movie 'The Blob' when there's too much water. Watching it swell and try to overflow over the edge of the bowl is kinda creepy...like pulsing brains maybe. Not that I know what pulsing brains look like.



I have been looking at some pro-ana sites to see if they have any good tips for weight loss. While some of them are a complete NO, like eating only 500 calories or less a day...some like eating slowly, chewing thoroughly and drinking water between bites are not.

For those of you who may see this and think "OMG she wants to anorexic!" rest assured. I don't want to be anorexic. All I want to do is to get down to a healthy weight so I won't be in so much pain.

I have developed osteoarthritis in not one but BOTH of my knees. For a while there the pain was enough to make me want to cry. Thankfully the physical therapy is helping. The doctor says I can look forward to bone on bone grinding.  I find it wrong that he not only said that but that he said it in a tone of voice usually reserved for someone who's won a happy surprise.  Hello Doc....let me give you a hint...nobody...unless they're a complete masochist...looks forward to bone on bone grinding.  Just a little fyi for you.
Besides the pain factor...money is a big motivator. Surgery on both my knees would cost more than I owe for my HOUSE! It would be like I'm trying to pay off two mortgages!!!

I could never be anorexic...the thinspiration these ladies post makes me feel ill. Who thinks looking like a skin covered skeleton is beautiful? Why on God's green earth would I want to look like a survivor from the holocaust concentration camps??  Ewww just ewww...

I am 5'2" tall so according to my doctor I should weight anywhere between 120 and 135lbs. Right now I weight 280lbs. So I am 160lbs overweight and frankly I am sick and tired of being so heavy. This is heavier than I've ever been. In 2000 I started walking at work and I managed to get down to 200lbs while dressed...so that's what...195lbs in the all together. I remember being 180 in high school.

Back then fat was my protection...my step-father didn't try to mess with me like he did my much thinner twin. I was fat and I'd always fight back. Now I'm happily married to a man who adores me and I don't need to be heavy anymore. Now if only the fat would take the hint and hit the fucking road.

It's going to take lots of baby steps to get where I need to be. 560,000 tiny baby steps. [That's how many extra calories I'll need to burn to get to my goal weight.]


Daily Update

Took Maggie for her walk around 8a.m. today.  Saw 3 people up and about...two men getting ready for the day and a woman walking her Golden Retriever. This is the first time I've come across a person actually WALKING their dog since we got Maggie. And WOOT that golden was beautiful! Please let my puppy grow up to be even HALF as lovely! I think the dog's name was Sally or Sadie...I can't remember.

Maggie was a little hellion off and on all morning. I need to walk her more and remember to make sure she doesn't walk ahead of me. That makes her think SHE'S the boss and I don't want that.

Daily Update

Well, I've got to go back to work just for today, my vacation won't be over officially until July 11th.

I am NOT looking forward to it. We lost track of time at IHOP with Josh and Jason and didn't get home until after 12:30a.m.
Maggie woke up when we got home and didn't got to bed till 2a.m. and I had to wake up @ 6a.m.

Gave her a walk and fed her when I got back.

Sooooo  tired.

Daily Update

I am BORED and soooo ready to go back to work. Maggie is being a pain in the ass as usual. And as luck would have it there are TWO golden retrievers at the Humane Society when I looked today. A 5 year old named Bruno and a 4 month old Irish Setter/ Golden mix named Shaggy Baby. I wish Maggie was 5! I am so totally ready to be out of the puppy stage. On particularly bad days I wish I'd never gotten a dog at all, let alone a puppy. But I do love my puppy. I just hope she grows up to be a good dog.  That Bruno is a handsome looking fellow though. *sigh*

Cliff cleared out the library yesterday with help from Tanner and Amanda and moved in some book cases. I won't say cleaned because what he took out of the room he put everywhere else. Damn it! Aside from the kitchen, where I need to do dishes and mop the floor [something I can't do until I get a new mop...a sarcastic Thank You to Shirley for destroying my mop], the house was looking Good! Now there's crap lying all over high and low. Grrrr...

Bored bored bored....

Maybe I should take Maggie for another walk.

Maggie Moment

I took her outside in a light rain @ 11:30 and it took her almost 30 minutes to pee!

@ 12:23 she was napping again on her green blanket. I took the opportunity to grab some lunch and comb out my hair which was a tangled mess.
She slept till 1:53 p.m. and I took her out and she'd gone pee by 1:57!

@ 2:40p.m. I gave M. some food but she didn't seem very interested in it. Since she's got here she's eaten less than a cup of food...
Should I be concerned? How much was she eating before? Could this be because of the changes in her environment?

I tried putting some kibble in her Kong toy but she seems to hate that thing. I don't know if it's the smell [I don't even like it] or how hard it is but she wants nothing to do with it.

@ 3;10 p.m. I put M. into her crate with the door shut for 10 minutes this time. She howled like a monkey! I'd opened the windows earlier while it was cool and rainy and I was afraid the neighbors would think I was beating her. Eventually she laid down and went to sleep. I let her out when time was up and she went to doze on the bathroom floor. I moved her to her green blanket in the office so I could keep an eye on her. She'll have to go out when she wakes up. Hopefully she'll poop too.

P.S.  My knee is killing me!! and I think I'll need to get one of those leashes that extend out a ways so when she's in yard she can explore even if I'm hurting too much to leave the porch. Not much luck on the 'fetching'.  *sigh* [Patience is a virtue]

Maggie Moment

I was kind of hoping Maggie would sleep to at least 6 a.m. No such luck. I got up to pee a little after 5 a.m. and when I got back she decided that she had to get up and out of the crate RIGHT NOW. I was getting my shoes on and I had Cliff take her out for me real quick. [I am anything but quick thanks to my arthritic leg] He complained that he was only in boxers. So what! Take her out before she makes a mess.

The good: she peed outside. The bad: she shit in the bedroom around 6a.m. Cliff cleaned it up.

@ 6:40 she went back to sleep. curled up in the small space between the dresser and the white bookcase...cuddled up with Cliff's cowboy boots. I'm betting she was missing her family. I'm pretty sure Nick Bilava [the breeder] wore cowboy boots.

@ 7:30 she woke up. took her outside let her pee!! around 7:58 [YES I am timing her pees. There has got to be a schedule here!]

when she got tired again I put her in the crate and shut the door @ 9:30 she woke up crying, I took her out and she peed! YES!

@ 9:48 Cliff left for work and she had a fit. Way to go dad next time say goodbye first *sheesh*  M. didn't cry for long off and running.

@ 10:30 lost sight of puppy [damn my arthritic leg!!] went looking and stepped in her poop. Cleaned it up.

@ 10:50 I put M. in her crate. [NOT punishment -- training] I set a timer for 5 minutes and sat there and talked quietly while she had a fit. she calmed down in a few minutes. let her out when timer went off

NOW @ 11:29  she is sleeping on a green blanket in the office. Which is the only reason I can type this at all. The green blanket is now officially hers.
I will lay it down anywhere I want her to lay down.  Portable bed.

Alarm went off time to go out and pee!!

Daily Update

Ate dinner today with Amanda and Tanner at Village Inn. Next time I'm going to just say I'm not feeling good. I can't stand Amanda. Grrr. When I eat dinner with friends, I put away my books and my pen and paper so I can actually pay attention to the people we're with. Can she show the same courtesy? NO. She spent her time writing stuff in her notebook and surfing the web on her phone. Totally ignored me throughout dinner. Cliff and Tanner were playing a game of Hive so I had nothing to do but sit there silently fuming.

Cliff, next time leave me home. I could have been playing Civ 2 with Shirley. Or sleeping or anything more fun than that dinner.

Daily Update

Boo, we're going up on Tuesday to pick out our puppy [would you like to come with us?] and I guess sometime later in that same week or the following week we'll be bringing our puppy home. So not on the solstice...I'm not ready yet and panic is setting in. My carefully laid schedule is in ruins....grrrr

Fence got hauled away today but the dog house didn't. The guy that was supposed to do the estimate for the fence was given wrong information by his secretary so we'll have to reschedule. I need to get the carpets cleaned but my vacuum cleaner isn't working. *sigh*

stress stress stress....

Everything will be fine. *deep breath in. hold it. let it out slowly. rinse and repeat.*

Daily Update

My knee is killing me and I'm out of my anti-inflammation medicine. I'm thinking it may be because it's been so wet and cold lately. I'm actually using a cane to get around in the house. If this continues I may have to endure the embarrassment of having to use my cane at work.

Doesn't your foot bother you when there's a change in the weather, Boo?

I've been reading some articles online and many of them say there's no link between weather and increased pain but I've also been reading the comments left by the people reading said articles and a lot of arthritis suffers disagree. They say when it gets cold or rainy they hurt...I agree with one who stated...
"I refused to be treated by a doctor who tried to "educate" me about the myth and fallacy of rain and arthritis pain. If you cannot acknowledge my pain, how can you effectively treat me? When it rains, I hurt. End of story."


Just because they can't find the link doesn't discount the pain these people are feeling and I have to include myself among them.

*sigh* arthritis sucks!